Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
