So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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