chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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