haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
