I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
