I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
