Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
