Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
