the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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