Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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