Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
