well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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