uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
