I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize