matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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