Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
