I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
