I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
