i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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