My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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