So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
