somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is wine microwaveable?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
