I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
