Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
