i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
