shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
