Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize