Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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