just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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