we're chasing vodka with high fives
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize