Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
