I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
