there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
