Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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