No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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