Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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