you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
