A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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