Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
