We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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