Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
