I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
