I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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