and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
