I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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