remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
