I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize