I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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