you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
