She is in my trunk
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
