Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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