so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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