i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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