speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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