fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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