FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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