who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
