we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can you repeat that, but with context?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
