mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
