It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize