Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
