yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
