Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
