its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
