btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
