Nicole vs. Life
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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