im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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