matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
