i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
