me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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