The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
