last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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