Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
