I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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