Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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