Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
