You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
