Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
