It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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