I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
