you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
