tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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