my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
