a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
