We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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