You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
