tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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