I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
