They should really pass out barf bags in church
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
