My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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