So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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