Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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