are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
