I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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